Stop looking and start becoming

It's when we stop looking when we find what we've been looking for.

In all seriousness, Princess, stop searching for Mr. Right.  Instead, start becoming the person that the person you are looking for is looking for.

Wait, what?

Well, lovely Princess, you know that person you've been looking for to marry?  He's been looking for someone, too.  He has expectations and he knows what he wants, and if he's a real man, he's not looking for someone to mistreat and cheat on and possess only for her outward beauty.  He's looking for a woman who emanates true inner beauty and spiritual maturity.  He's not looking for someone desperate to be in a relationship.  He's looking for a woman confident in who she is in the eyes of God, no matter her relationship status.  He's not looking for a purely physical relationship.  He's looking for a loving relationship that will grow the rest of his life, a woman he finds stimulating in all areas: emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Last year, I watched an entire series of sermons online by Andy Stanley of North Point Church on this subject of what he calls the "new rules of sex, love, and dating".  One of his biggest points is that if two people are always searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, or if they're just searching for that person with whom they have great chemistry, the relationship eventually ends up falling apart because they have been focusing on finding the right person instead of becoming the right person.

I had just been settling for whoever came my way during college until this summer.  Finally, I gave up and said, "God, you have someone in mind for me.  I'm done looking; in fact, I would rather have it that I stay single throughout the rest of this summer as I go off to my internship so that I can focus more on You and the changes You will create in me, as well as the work You have for me."  I started getting into the Word a lot more and focusing on my relationship with the Lord, on making it my biggest priority in life.  I've grown so much and am learning little by little each day what it means to be a woman of God.  And I'm absolutely loving my relationship with the Lord and all that He shows me each day.

One day during my internship, without me meaning for it to happen, nor without me wanting it to happen, I fell in love with an amazing Christ-centered man in a small evangelical church.  I was about to ignore all such feelings and run away, but that was when God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "My love, you have been wasting your energy on other men who are less worthy of you.  Daughter of mine, are you really going to run away from one of the best men I have to offer?"  And I was convicted, and I obeyed, and I'm so glad I did.

To watch the whole series by Andy Stanley I described above, start here.  I highly recommend it, and it's only four sermons, each one about an hour long.  Do yourself a favor and spend four weeks on this series; watch one part a week for a month, take good notes, and let the message sink into your heart.  Princess, I promise you it's worth it, and I promise you that becoming the person that the person you are looking for is looking for is something you won't regret.

Further reading: Gone Huntin' off of www.shehasworth.com.

Look for a man...

...who will love you, Princess, like Ephesians 5 describes:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself"  (v. 25-28a).

Don't settle for less than the best God has in store for you.

Advice from Audrey Hepburn

There's a quote by Audrey Hepburn that goes like this:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. 

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms.  As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. 

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. 

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.  It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

When I was in Costa Rica, on my last day with my host family, it finally dawned on me the significance of the third line of Audrey Hepburn's advice.  You see, normally I dislike when people run their fingers through my hair.  I don't always mind people playing with it, but I have hair that is an odd mixture of curly and wavy, and if people start combing their fingers through it, well, it tends to frizz out big time and doesn't hold any of the original curliness.  So if I'm having a decent hair day and I don't want it to get messed up, I'll generally refuse to let people touch my hair for any length of time, especially kids who don't understand the nature of my hair.  It was just one of those weird things.  And when I was in Costa Rica, I normally refused to let my younger host brother Luis or little Emma or young Jimena at the church touch my hair, because I was worried about it frizzing out.

My host family always fawned over how soft my hair is compared to theirs.  I don't think it's soft at all, but my family sure thought so, and that's a huge reason I think why people always wanted to touch it.  But I was really reluctant to let them.  Every now and then I would, but it was with a great deal of reluctance.

On my last day with my host family, when I woke up, I discovered poor Luis was not feeling well at all.  Therefore, after quickly packing up the rest of my things and eating breakfast and saying a tearful goodbye to my host dad as he left for work, I stayed with Luis and helped my host mom take care of him until I had to leave.  And as I took care of him and talked to him and stayed with him and loved on him, I freely allowed him to mess up my hair by running his fingers through it.  He kept saying how soft it was and kept touching it and enjoying playing with it for a while before I had to go.

I really don't understand why people like playing with my hair; my best guess is that it's unique and nobody has hair quite like mine.  But in that instant I finally understood what it means to have beautiful hair by letting a child run his or her fingers through it daily.  That a child like Luis took delight in touching my hair, something that admittedly feels really good for me too, filled me with joy.  I was happy that he was happy.  It was technically a small sacrifice (no matter how important it felt in the moment), and yet it brought so much joy to both of us.

True beauty doesn't come from what we do on the outside.  There's a aesthetically-pleasing type of beauty that comes from enhancing one's eyes with eyeliner, or from wearing certain outfits, or from doing up one's hair all nice.  But as Proverbs 31:10-31 in the Bible advocates (I'll leave you to look it up here), and as Audrey Hepburn echoes, the character of a woman is what gives her real beauty.

Beautiful Princess of the Most High God, remember this as you go about your daily life.  Remember that you already are beautiful, and that each moment you are awake you have the opportunity to express this beauty and let it shine through you, the beauty that is Jesus Christ living in you.